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We're also equally divided on whether porn is bad for relationships, although if you've been involved with someone who's lost interest in having sex with you because he'd prefer to jack off to some online porn, you're pretty clear on the damage it does. The majority of people view their porn watching as some good, not-quite-so-clean fun, according to the late researcher Alvin Cooper, the former head of the San Jose Marital and Sexuality Center.
Only 15 percent of the respondents to Cooper's study said their porn watching actually led to behaviors that interfered with their lives. If you read many of the online advice boards, it seems that a lot of women are fed up with their partner's porn watching and wonder if they should get a divorce. Fagan, senior fellow and director of the conservative Center for Research on Marriage and Religion, pornography is a "quiet family killer." Not only does watching porn contribute to infidelity, but a spouse's porn obsession was a factor in 56 percent of divorces, Fagan says.
" "But if you approach infidelity as a continuum of betrayal rather than an either/or proposition, then the Internet era has ratcheted the experience of pornography much closer to adultery than I suspect most porn users would like to admit." But is the problem porn itself or a guy's obsession with it? No man in a healthy sexual relationship would choose porn over bonking his flesh-and-blood partner, says San Francisco Bay Area sex therapist and author Marty Klein.
Emphasis on "healthy." So, if a guy's watching too much porn -- whatever "too" much is and who gets to decide that -- a couple now has an out; they can say he has a "porn addiction." "If a wife claims that porn use is infidelity, if a girlfriend claims that porn use means he isn't attracted to her, a disease is a good place to hide," Klein says.
Evidently, bin Laden had an "extensive" stash of porn at his compound in Abbottabad, Pakistan, according to officials. Women tend to favor cybersex chat rooms -- we like to talk -- while men go for the visuals.
So what typically happens is she puts her foot down -- -- and he promises that he'll stop watching. "The rest will do what they did when they were 14 -- they'll do it in secret, feel bad about it and hope they won't get caught. You can imagine what that will do to the couple's closeness." Not help it, and I imagine that's how many couples find themselves divorcing over "porn addiction." What about you?
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Nor are we necessarily going to be open to all the positions and, uh, of porn stars (although I'm guessing few of us would turn away, say, a Brad Pitt-George Clooney threesome; I sure wouldn't).
Polls show that we're pretty evenly divided on whether porn is just part of the package when it comes to men and if it's demeaning to women.