Both James and Lauren had their settings to be default. It’s common knowledge that online dating is depressing for men because of the low number of matches and the low response rate. I assumed it’s because Tinder ran out of active female users in Hanoi.James’ real account gets about 2 or 3 matches a day when he’s actively swiping in the US or the UK. Still, James averages 22 matches a day, at least 7 times higher than in the US or in the UK.What makes online dating so frustrating isn’t the exaggeration, it’s that you’re participating in a depressing hierarchy of desirability — a daisy chain of quiet rejection. We have the luxury of being less goal-oriented, the same way we’ve learned to be about sex.You spend part of your time trying to recover from, and make sense of, all these potentially lovely people who won’t give you the time of day, then the rest flicking off people in whom you have no interest. In theory, though, it should at least be less uncomfortably urgent for those of us of a certain age: somewhere between the first biological clock (gotta reproduce! We can treat the process itself — the search, the exchange of messages, the one-off dinners — as intellectually intriguing, diverting, amusing, and perhaps even a path toward self-knowledge.Most of all, it seems that every woman, regardless of age, despises the indoors.I say this because, according to their profiles, every spare moment is devoted to running, skiing, hiking, climbing, rafting, unicycling, spelunking, parachuting into triathlons, and engaging in a variety of other calorie-burning gerunds.It’s so easy that some white guys make a game out of it.
Perhaps they watch on their phones while they’re running, skiing, and hiking.First, I asked the guys who messaged Lauren if they prefer white girls or Asian girls.Because Lauren is white, the only acceptable answers are “I prefer white girls” or “I don’t care about the skin color as long as she is nice blah blah.” For those who said they prefer white girls, I asked why.On OKCupid, men send 3.5 times as many first messages as women do.Someone did an experiment in Australia on Plenty Of Fish and over 48 hours, the male profile received 2 messages from women while the female profile received 123 messages from men. It’s natural to expect the situation to be worse in a Confucian, patriarchal, male-dominant society like Vietnam, right?