Another great misconception about college life is the grandiosity of your average frat party.Remember when you were 17, and your idea of a frat party resembled a wet-dreamish amalgam of the epic ragers you could remember from all the raunchy teen comedies you snuck in to as a kid?Especially when it’s followed by this: “Is (name of girl I am inside of) in there? ” And this will go on for ten, twenty minutes, until (girl I am inside of) has to get up and leave me and my blue balls to our own devices, lamenting the fact that my friends suck at running effective interference. 8) The Weedhead Girl The great thing about that rare gem of a girl who straight up loves herb is that it’s easy to lure her back to your room (“Want to come hit my new Illadelph?It’s got a double percolator and an ash-catcher.”).But see, I’m a journalist, and as such, it is my duty to dispel the myths of the world.So with an eye to deconstructing the myth of the frat party, here’s an honest portrayal of the ten girls you can count on meeting at pretty much every one of them: 1) The One Who Is Eager to Impress the Brothers This girl is probably a) drunker than she planned on being when she and her friends cracked open that bottle of raspberry vodka in their dorm-room earlier and b) a freshman.After a few minutes she’ll flit away to “use the bathroom” or “find her girlfriend,” leaving you on a urine-stained couch with a hard-on, such that you have to stay there for a few minutes till things “settle down.” Once they do, you’ll sort of casually look around the party for her … Right where she left you, except now she’s got her tongue down some other Bro’s throat, and that’s when you realize you just indirectly made out with like five other dudes.But the catch with the DFMO Queen is that she never takes it any further.
She will also comply with naked-lap rules in beer pong, even if you make them up mid-game.But that doesn’t mean they are populated by an endless procession of dimepieces willing to Jello-wrestle for the right to blow you.The truth is, while a well-bounced frat party usually boasts a better than fifty-fifty ratio of vajayjay to dong, not all of the owners of those vajayjays will qualify as desirable material.Eventually, someone ends up punching someone else, so then that guy goes and wipes his ass on the first guy’s pillow — and before you know it, the whole frat’s got pink eye!All because someone invited a DFMO Queen to the party. Then again, it might not be worth her time, considering half the frat has “been there, done that” and the other half has standards.